You'd have to be a newcomer to this journal if you don't know who this is about.

Why do I think of fucking you?

You have a show coming up and my deluded mind says, maybe you can come over and we can shag while the show plays, you make fun of me and my enormous thighs while I make fun of you in the show, whilst we fuck like dogs, better than dogs like hungered beasts.

It was never about fucking you. It was more than that, a lot more beautiful, it was about one day, 24 hours hopefully that would change my decadent existence to one of a momentary bliss. Just a day to you but a worthwhile experience to me. There would be no fucking, only if you don't want to, it would be me trying to distinguish the myth, the perfection from the reality of the persona in front of me, sharing the day, being the day speaking or just listening. It was also about the idea that we could work together. At least this is what I say to Him in prayer when I ask for that opportunity to share the myth, I ask that He differentiate the lust from the love, and the love from the obsession, and the craziness from the rationality and delusions from the perceptions, and for the day to inevitably become mine, my 24 hours of momentary bliss.

Then, why do I think of fucking you?

Maybe you've seeped into that part of my brain that thinks sordid thoughts, or I've let you into it. You are too good for my fucking, I wouldn't want to put you through that. Because if we do then we can't talk, I can't know you, and you wouldn't want to know me, even though you've just "known" me. Everyone I've fucked doesn't, and I think too much of you to let you join that clique. It just betrays everything, it's dirty and common...what I feel is a lot more beautiful. But if we can't talk, and if you don't want to then, I'd take fucking as distant, and impersonal as that can be, I'd take that, in my one day if only it were my chance to have you be in me...not only in my mind.

So I'd say we should fuck some time...I would really like that, and then after that, I promise not to think about you, not even of you fucking someone else. I promise.