Sometimes I think I've gone too far, I think this is close to obsession, I think, you wouldn't want that heartbeat to stop when they mention the word obsession do you? And then, sometimes, I play off something and it makes me feel as if, it really isn't that bad. Even if it is an obsession, it's a healthy obsession, and it makes me a better person and a stronger person, likewise all my faults. However, the fear of bordering on insanity just looms so large.

A co-worker last week asked me why I was often so melancholic, and distressed with my environment. To tell you the truth I have always been like this, I've always searched for an escape from the present and even when that escape comes I get bored with it so quickly that it suddenly becomes time to yearn for another. She termed this predicament as being bi-polar. That's a new one. Me, bi-polar who would have thought?

I had a very frightening day today. There are some days that happen that just make you so afraid of the day, of the week considering that today is Sunday, the begining of a new week.

Rundown on my day:

5:09 am: My aunt calls us (my mum and I) long distance to ask how we are doing. It seemed too bizarre to me that she would call at such an ungodly hour but she had a bad dream that soemthing bad was going to happen so she felt it was time to call to see how we were all doing. My mum hears my phone ring but neglects to pick it up even though she can. She feels it's my house so you should go pick up your phone.

5:39 am: I try to go back to sleep but can't so I, obsessive compulsive Keanu freaking fan decide to cull my thoughts on the double dose of Revolutions and put up a decent, freakishly honest, personal review. Yes, it does contain spoilers, but to me those things don't matter, I would see a movie despite the spoilers told to me ahead of time. It's the artistic expression that matters not neccesarily the plot points.

8:00am: Review is done, put up on my site and I try to go back to sleep. I know by the time I wake up I would have incurreed the wrath of every Keanu fan six million times over, but regardless I put it up. I just feel that this is my point of view and if no one likes it, hey go suck on a lemon. The reviews I read on the movie were harsher than mine. So much harsher than mine, at least mine I liked it nevertheless. Those reviews were so sad, I should have put bits of it in mine.

2:00pm: My mum and I go to the mall to return a blouse she got at a thrift store the day before. Why she would go thrift store shopping, is a mystery I cannot solve. There is so much on that but I really don't want to remember it. The summary, she was angry I was angry, and I almost ashamed of myself for being angry. I should hate being angry now, that was the whole point of this obsession.

9:00pm: Keanu's E true hollywood story airs. More unbeknownst melancholy erupts inside me. Where from, I wonder. No content whatsoever in the documentary. I guess I shall just await the day he turns up on Inside the actors studio, hopefully to talk about our movie.

10:00pm: My review has disappeared from my website. Where is it, did the warnerbros people just pull the plug on it because it is filled with spoilers.

It's 11:00 pm now. I should go to bed another week awaits, and I shall try, dear Lord help me to try my best to be less distracted, more focused on the prize, and mentally and physically prepared to do Your work. Yield in me the inspiration that I seek, and please drive away all the anger, please dear Lord. Amen.