Whatever my husband says (even common pangolo boyfriend that doesn't know his left from right) I must agree. The moment we got together, I lost my sense of reasoning and purpose in life. His word, even if foolish, is law and I must die to please him and obey.
From a Facebook Post By Onuora Ikechukwu Onianwa
Reading that Facebook post above (which was utterly brilliant by the way. A total must read) reminded me of certain arguments, discussions, and talks if I can call them that, that I've had with the men in my life - my brother, men I've dated, colleagues, etc. It always puzzles them that I am this woman who, as my recent male friend termed it, is considerably "independent minded." That's a nice way of saying I am not pliable and gullible. Or I am not a pushover and I don't necessarily often agree with everything, every position that is presented to me. During the talks which occur during the few times my rejection of their position is not met with so much hostility, we sit down to analyze why I am so. Why, oh why, can't this woman agree with her man's point of view? Well let's see.
As a woman, you spend a great deal of time and money educating yourself. You form opinions, have experiences, make mistakes and grasp lessons from them, enough to define you, mold your character so to speak. And you not only educate yourself in school but at your job, on the job, learn your job, excel at your job (so as to compete against the males), finesse your interactions with co-workers, bosses, clients, customers, colleagues, friends, etc. You read books, poetry, articles, watch the news, self-help books, go to plays, concerts, sports events, meditate, pray (which in Nigeria we do a lot), practice yoga, exercise, self attainment, self awareness, oneness, balance, try to connect yourself to the society, culturally and spiritually in order to help you better understand who you are and what you want from life. Then, of course you move on from there towards learning and assimilating cultures and experiences from places you travel to, learning and assimilating cultures and experiences from people you meet when you travel that may be from other countries - countries that you may have never even been to. In experiencing a sliver of life with these people you meet, you exchange stories and you are let into a part of their life, their upbringing, their culture that in turn helps you form opinions in yours and makes you gravitate towards an assertive, definitive, smart well rounded young lady.
All of these experiences, education, real world experiences, casual informative encounters, what have you, all unequivocally make you the you that you are now that you worked so hard to become. To expect someone to show up in her life - this well rounded educated woman's life that she has carefully formulated - and tell her that she should not go with plan A (her plan) but follow plan B (his plan - which may or may not be flawed); or to always agree with whatever his thought process is at that point in time just because that is what he thinks is best for her, and he expects her to automatically wipe the slate clean in all her leanings, to agree with him wholeheartedly, follow blindingly his plan or school of thought just because he happens to be the "man in her life" or her "hubby", it's oh so very difficult for me to grasp or thoroughly appreciate the rationale/concept behind that. Why is she not supposed to have an opinion? Why is her opinion not even considered? Trying to come to terms with erasing this well grounded female opinion is to me by far one of the most difficult sacrifices I can make in being a woman that is now with a man.
I constantly battle with this by saying: I have a brain that I've spent a great deal of time, money, and energy educating. I would like to refer to that brain on occasion...is that okay?
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