Had an interesting lighthearted conversation with a bunch of wealthy, upwardly mobile virile young men over the weekend. They talked about women (of course) and how women now expressly bring up a price, a sticker price, for an opportunity to spend an evening with them. They said most women they've encountered lately interject with this price even before they broach the subject of sex or otherwise. My lawyer self called it: the Negotiation.
They all had different stories of meeting various women, chatting them up and asking them to spend some time with them either for the evening or later on that week. But the women would say before they go any further into the evening or agree to meet with them, they would present their price. Some of them asked for the "going rate" while some presented their price as exorbitant as it needed to be. One even stripped to her bra and panties in order to ...ahem...drive up the bidding, let him see what he was bidding on. After she stated her price, he felt her "goods" were not worth the sticker shock she just gave him. I asked him why he didn't counter offer, bid lower, it was a negotiation after all. To that, he simply replied, "I never negotiate with women." It reminded me of the phrase often heard: The US Government does not negotiate with terrorists. So in turn, this guy does not negotiate with hustling women. Ha!!
It sounds funny now but at the time I heard this, it just seemed like women were being pushed to providing their company for a price to make ends meet in this dwindling economy. Why bring up a price when it's not even in question? Get up and walk away. Guy is a douche so walk away. He doesn't deserve your time so walk away. Unless you want to get paid then maybe you should lead with that so he knows he's dealing with a "working girl" a la Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. Tell him these are your rates for the evening. Simple. He can either Richard Gere it or he can get to stepping.
One particular story stuck to my mind.
The guy said he went for a house party. A bunch of guys at the party. Drinking. Chilling. Having fun. Then, another new guy arrives with a bunch of "homely" looking girls. His words not mine. I guess homely is supposed to connote: they were not dressed like hookers and they looked like decent, reasonably timid girls. He cornered one of the girls and spent some time chatting with her. When the gig died down they all decided to move to a new location. He asked the girl to come with and she asked: If I come with, what's in it for me...as in how much will you give me?
He, put aback because this was coming from the seemingly decent "homely" girl, asked: Is there supposed to be an asking price?
She eventually stated what it was. And to me it was, oh so low and stupid. He concurred. He said, he might have given her more if only she had not expressly stated her price. So he chose not to negotiate with her just for the fact that she brought it up without him offering.
Notwithstanding, why is this even happening? Why are we letting men discuss us like this? If you don't want to go with him to the other location, you get your keys and leave. If you do, then you do. If you decide to sleep with him...well that's a whole different ball game and I must say the next very carefully so I don't sound preachy, cos, you know, I'm not perfect - I have kissed a few frogs in my day:
If you start putting a price on it, you'll always have to put a price on it. There is no price on it. Simple. You do it because you want to. That way you can look at yourself in the mirror the next day. That way, no one gets it twisted in your history that they got it from you at such and such price. Because you know, inflation happens. And money is so fleeting...you get it today, spend it in a second. I can spend a million Naira or Dollars in an hour. An hour! (Hello! That house in the Hamptons!!) That's why money is not really important to me. But I can never wash off what it felt like to give myself over for a price. So do it because you want to. Cos you were "feeling" him and he was "feeling" you. And if he gives you money as most (Nigerian) men do...then, it's great...you have money for a taxi fare, new weave, pedicure or something. So when the word gets out that you slept with such and such and your friends ask you, "Oh, I heard you slept with Mr. A. Is it true?" You can tell them straight, "Yes, I did. Because I was feeling him. At the time." NOT BECAUSE HE PAID ME. Because trust me, your asking price is going to spread as well and if inflation has affected it, it might start to sound pretty low. You never want that as your legacy. Money should NEVER be the motivation, unless you've decided to be a "working girl."
When this guy asked me what my price was...I laughed and tried to mask how insulted I felt so he doesn't see a Sistah throw things. I simply replied: "There is no price. Cos whatever money it is, I should be making it for myself. And if I am not and I have to sleep with someone like you for it...then we have a problem. Then, we have to go back to the drawing board so to speak."
There is no price tag on it. No bank can cover that amount. NONE. So when you sleep with him he feels like you're doing him a favor.
I agree circumstances can push us all to the limit. I know. I had a good friend in Atlanta that had to resort to such for living expenses. It pained me so much. But in her case, she was strictly on one side of the fence (a professional working girl) and not sitting on the fence. You're either a full on working girl, or you're a full on professional woman. You can't be both. Be a professional woman and ask a price for it, open up bidding on you like you're a Monet. That just doesn't work for me. Sorry.
If I leave you all with one message...this should be one of them.
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