Dear Relationship, How Do We Get Out of You?

Every now and again, as a single person you dabble in a relationship. I use the term dabble, because after a while of living the single life and totally loving how much the single life rocks, you get so used to your own space. And you also enjoy the freedom of dating everyone. Not fully committing to that one person, but enjoying a little lunch date here and a dinner date there...you know - the nothing serious love bite. But then there comes that love bug that sticks. You get that one that seems like a good idea at first. I say this with cynicism because tried and true the best out of people is often encountered at that stage when we first meet them. They haven't quite shown us their "true colors" and they actually look forward to spending time with us, and vice versa. So this particular date/person sticks. You quickly discard the others and keep him/her.

What happens when the "honeymoon phase" is over? You start to hear him/her scream or whine or nag all too often. You start to have your texts or Whatsapp messages ignored or not read at all. They used to respond to you so swiftly, now they don't. They stop asking to see you, slow to fix a next date. They mumble some excuse, they yell, "Why are you always whining/complaining." They are no longer fun. You earnestly start to miss your single days when you could be flirty and fun with ZERO drama.

How do we get out of this type of icky relationship situation.

1. Admit that you are no longer having fun. Have a frank talk and say, we can either get back to having fun or we can go our separate ways. Make this a fun conversation too, not a "We need to talk" type of scenario. This is about reinstating fun after all. Choose a fun activity you guys used to do in the early relationship days.
2. This next one goes to the men - Yes Men, I said you. Don't just jump in and start seeing someone new. That never looks good on your dating resume. Also, don't use the new person as an excuse to get rid of the old person. Like you're looking for a way out. I address this to the men because I've seen it happen one too often. Initially, I would have said Naija men, but I've seen the brothas from the US do the same. Not A Good Look.
3. Also, don't find fault in everything he/she does just so you can frustrate the person to break up with you, or get out of your life. That's just juvenile. Don't burn that bridge because you might have to go through it again someday.
4. Don't do the slow dance into "break up hell" - you know the one where you ignore the person long enough and hope with time they'll get the message. Personally, I never get the message. I always think that person is having a bad day, or week. And then, I internalize and think, is it me? Is their bad day or week linked to me? Then, the millions of thoughts just overwhelm to the extent you start to be a pest. Or as us writers do e.g. me, we write the person long emails explaining why we're not happy or why they are making us upset (like it changes anything). I know, I need help. Just don't do that "let me ignore you long enough or say No to your request long enough so you'll go away." It is mean and cruel and belittles every precious moment both of you once shared. You were both happy once upon a time.

So with all these DONT'S, dear relationship, how ever are we to get out of you?

Simple. Just break up. Don't sugarcoat it. Don't avoid the talk. Just do it. And I say Talk. In person. No Whatsapp, No Texts, No Facebook Messenger. Don't hide behind a screen. Talk in person, look the person in the eye and say goodbye. Like adults that did adult things, that respect each other, that cared about each other. Just tell that person in person that things are not working out and it's time you both went your separate ways.

MORE DON'TS 

Don't wish them well. I actually hate that. Goodbyes are goodbyes, wishing them well always sounds like you feel sorry for them and hope they recover from the crushing blow of you leaving their life - very conceited. Also, don't say, "We can still be friends." That's even worse. Sounds like a consolation prize. You didn't win first place so let's give you one of the parting gifts to thank you for playing the game. Just break up. And then change the topic to something you both enjoyed - movies, books, politics, music, for e.g., "So what did you think of the [insert trending topic here]." This helps diffuse the intensity of the conversation just so you don't keep analyzing where things went wrong. There is no point. 

After that, you just make like the song, "Kiss and Say Goodbye."

And if you happen to be on the receiving end of one of these type breakups, do not despair...there are tons of tips on this blog on how you can reclaim that awesome, reasonably drama-free single life and bounce back. But remember, people come into your life for a reason and when that reason is over, God takes them out so you can continue on your journey. Believe something better lies ahead. 

What are the other ways to get out of a relationship and ways NOT to get out a relationship.