You give me butterflies, you got me flying so high in the sky, I can't control these butterflies/ You give me something that I can't deny, you got me flying so high in the sky, I can't control these butterflies

I have this achy feeling inside me. You know when you want something, or have a goal or something and suddenly everyone is making your decisions for you, but it just doesn't feel right and you know it.

The only thing that would feel right now, is a grant to film school, a place of my own, and the keys to my heart placed in someone's care. Apart from that I am just swirling in the whirlwind of life's tumultous raindrops.

I saw this today:

Richard Gere, who is deeply devoted to the teachings of the Dalai Lama, says the best way for Americans to deal with the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks is with "the medicine of love and compassion."

Why it struck to me, even though I am not a fan of Richard's is because this is exactly what I thought about. I never like to sound political on my journals, but I thought this to myself, the best way to punish your enemy is to forgive them. Fighting them back, using their own means to fight them, you are only adding some more salt to the bruising injury, and I think that is what they wanted deep inside them. They wanted to draw us out into a duel, so they can see who's got bigger guns, weapons or can terrorize the worst, and kill the most citizens, or sadly, to see who will hurt more.

It's like crazy kids back in high school that would instigate a fight from the quietest kid on the block just because he is so cool and they are not. But I guess, political matters defeat me, my knowledge in handling them is no better than my knowledge of who is the governor of my state...which I don't know by the way.

I have this ritual every morning, before I do anything, I write down in all my journals. It's okay except when you do not have any profound thoughts to document that day you are left fishing for something challenging to put down in script. Like right now. *laughs shyly, tilting head back.*

Why I put down that verse at the top is because whenever I listen to that song---BUTTERFLIES by Alicia Keys---- it reminds me of falling in love; that easy-breezy-nervous-butterflies-in-the-stomach-blood-rushing-to-the-head feeling. Yeah! I miss that. That feeling when you count the minutes to the next phone call, next visit, next touch, next smile, next kiss. It's so adrenalin worthy that your face gives off a glow unknowingly. *smiles shyly again* It's amazing the journeys our heart takes us; sometimes...most times, it's worth it too.

People still do not want to use the buzz me feature I painstakingly installed all day yesterday. When it says, "Talk to a real person." it means I am online, and when it says "leave me a message," it means I am not. So just say hi and I did stop by.

See how easy it is.