I had a good weekend. Saying that is almost scary as I do not wish to jinx whatever's left of it. *looks at clock, about 2 hours*

I spent Saturday morning with Uninteresting guy. The funny thing with the way I've become with him is I can look at him and suddenly find him irresistible, some sort of sudden emotion overcomes me and I want him, with me, by me all the time. I just kept shouting, "this is crazy, this is crazy." I don't know if it's the sex or just my raging hormones, or my need to proclaim how non-gay I am after the forced years of celibacy, but whatever profound doctrine that has found mehere, it is crazy...how did I get here?

How did I turn from despising him so much to forgiving his blatant stupidity and lack of everything I have ever hoped for in a man, for lack of everything KR, and for representing my eternal need to just settle and not hold out for the "big" thing. I think he knows the vulnerable position I am in for he has stopped sharing his emotions with me, he doesn't tell me how he feels about me anymore and he doesnt ache to share every free time with me. Perhaps I should retract to the I that I was before and stop with all the "craziness." But it is a good craziness, and it's been a very long time since I've felt this overcome by the maternal succulent part of me.

Then, I spent Sunday morning with myself in my apartment, reading a book, thinking about me and my love for the impossible, and thinking how it could all come to be, me taken away from all this normalcy into something grandiose and magnificent, to a place beyond my far-fetched imagination. My family called, he called, and everyone wanted to reach out and touch me as I was lost in my high but sometimes you just want to belong to something that is you, and not so much and not have anything that was of the past to come to you and take you away from that bliss, that space, that peace.

It was a good weekend.