681175
681175
681175

You know what that is: that is Sola's phone number.

3 years later on a hot wednesday afternoon, you'd ask why do I still remember that phone number? I can't remember how many times I dialed that number, how many times I dialed it from a phone booth, from a stranger's house, from an admirer's house. Just to speak to him. I went far and wide.

You see we had a phone that was broken for about 5 years. So any dating I wanted to do had to be done from an external phone. But that didnt stop me. How could it, when you want to hear someone's voice so badly, you'd travel, journey even walk to the phone booth 2 miles away just so you can dial the number. And dial it several times I did.

Every time it'd ring, I'd pray to myself, that he'd be home, and if he were that he'd be in the mood to speak to me. In that I want to talk to her nicely mood for a change. Even if it was the reverse. I'd still call him again and again. Still pick up a phone anywhere and still find myself dialing that number. It was almost like a trance. See a phone dial 681175. Those were the steps.

I only think about it today because, today my crush gave me his number. That is one thing. The other is, I don't want to call. I don't want the number to be another 681175 for me. Why so? Well, because my friend even though I am hundreds of miles away from Sola or any of his enchanting powers over me, I still feel myself falling into that circle. He treats me just like Sola did, I act just like I did with Sola and I like him just like I did Sola, without reason.

I wonder how Sola is doing these days. I would like to dial that number just one more time. Just to ask him how he's doing. He should be 29 now. About the only man I know now that is at least older than I am. Ask him if he's met his gorgeous woman yet, he was always fascinated with them--gorgeous women. Find out if he ever thought of me all through these years, even if it was just once for just one split second in 3 years. Ask him, if he ever liked me at all, and what it was about me that scared him away, put him off me, that made him so afraid of talking to me. So many questions, so many burnt bridges. I just want to know...it would make it easier to understand my crush right now...understand me, and understand why I like men like him, that are so like him, that treat me with just as much disrespect as he did.

681175. Aaargh! the power that number had on me. I can't look at those digits the same way ever again.

I hope I can resist the same temptation with these digits I have now. Hope I can. Men, why do we let them have these overwhelming effect over us, even if we say we are over them, we never truly are.