Just a little unlike me

I had a very whoa! weekend.

I was suddenly overwhelmed by the fact that I either need to make more money or get a part-time job. And that realization was not an easy one. I spent the earlier part trying to do something about it, and the latter part sulking about it. Then, the most part was spent trying to ration out the little money I have until I pay my rent next week. This growing up thing is hard sans sugar daddy.

My friend called, she just came in from Nigeria about 2 weeks ago with all the news about my friends back home. Guess who is married. Sola! Who is Sola? Just the only man I ever wanted to marry next to Keanu. He was my Nigerian Keanu, I figured since I cannot get the real thing why not find a substitute, we went to Law School together, shagged quite a bit, and then, he was perfect. I know I will never get to marry Keanu but everyday I ask myself, why do you like him, because he is kind, has the nicest eyes and he is sweet natured, if I can get all that in a man right now, I will be content. Then, I found it in Sola, but he did not see it in me. I moved out here, and he got married.

It breaks my heart.

There can't be another substitute still out there, is there?

So, I am not upset, I am not happy I am just distraught, I feel like life abandoned me here. Why?